


Feels Like the Only Time

by Perpetual Motion (perpetfic)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Found Family, Fuck that scene, Get Together, That shitass bar scene does not exist, We do not speak of that affront to sonny's character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-14 23:34:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20609174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetfic/pseuds/Perpetual%20Motion
Summary: Sonny makes sure Amanda gets a surprise on Mother's Day and gets one back from her.





	Feels Like the Only Time

Sonny plans it to the last detail. His mom is delighted to add Amanda to her annual Mother's Day Brunch.

"You know Sonny and I aren't dating, right?" Amanda asks. She's at Sunday dinner, having come over after everyone had gotten back from Mass. Jesse is currently playing with some of Sonny's youngest cousins in the next room, and Billie is contentedly lying in Sonny's arms, staring in awe at the ceiling fan moving overhead.

"Of course!" Tessa says with a fond shake of her head. "But that doesn't make you less family to us, honey. Honestly, if you hadn't been busy before this year, I'd have invited you when you were pregnant with Jesse."

Amanda looks quietly flustered. She gets that way when she's called family by people she thinks are maybe too nice to want to like her. Sonny doesn't comment on it; he never has. He just hopes one day he won't see that look on her face. 

"Thank you. I'd love to come," Amanda says.

"I'll watch the girls," Sonny offers immediately. This is also part of the plan.

*

The rest of the plan takes place once Amanda's off to brunch. Sonny crouches down so he and Jesse are eye-to-eye. "I know you already made your mommy a card for Mother's Day," Sonny says, "but I haven't, and I'd really like if you helped me."

"You didn't make Mommy a card?" Jesse asks, eyes huge at the idea of _not making Mommy a card_.

"I had to wait until I saw you," Sonny explains. "You're much better at making cards than me."

Jesse beams at the compliment. "We have to use the blue crayons," she says. "Those are the best ones."

"Okay," Sonny agrees. "You get all your art things and put them on the coffee table while I check on your sister, got it?"

"Uh-huh!" Jesse runs to the corner that Sonny and Amanda had helped her make into her own small space. There's a child-size armchair and a bookshelf filled with picture books. There's also a set of storage drawers absolutely groaning under the weight of all the arts and crafts supplies Jesse loves. 

Sonny checks on Billie, who is mostly asleep in her crib. Her eyes are half-open as she lays on her stomach, but she only stares at him and sucks on her fist. Sonny touches her lightly on the head and walks back into the living room. Jesse is carrying items one at a time over to the coffee table. Construction paper. Crayons. Markers. Colored pencils. Stickers. Glue sticks. Four self-inking rubber stamps in the shapes of animals. She lays everything out very neatly, taking her job seriously, then she looks at Sonny with the same seriousness.

"We'll need the scissors," she says.

"Okay," Sonny replies. "I'll get them."

He gets the green safety scissors from the cabinet above the kitchen sink. Jesse knows how to use them, but she's not allowed near them by herself just yet. Amanda's not worried she'll cut herself; she's much more worried Jesse will decide all her dolls need a haircut. 

Sonny places the scissors on the coffee table, then sits on the floor as Jesse carries over as many spools of ribbon as she can get in her little arms. 

"You have to have ribbon," she says to Sonny as she drops all the spools on the couch. "That's what makes it fancy." She picks up the spools one by one and stacks them very neatly on the coffee table.

"Well, I definitely want the card to be fancy." Sonny picks up three different colors of construction paper and holds them out for Jesse to see. "What color do you like best?"

"Yellow."

Sonny puts down the other two pieces of paper. "Me, too!"

Jesse beams again and picks up one of her special blue crayons. "I'm gonna draw hearts, and we can cut them out and glue them to the card."

"I'll draw some flowers," Sonny says, picking up a different blue crayon.

They draw hearts and flowers, and Sonny lets her cut out her hearts but takes care of the flowers himself. Jesse spends ten minutes staring at her stickers before deciding Mommy would like the froggies best, and then it's another ten minutes of serious contemplation of her rubber stamps before she chooses the fox. 

"But on the back," she says. "That way, it's a surprise."

"Okay," Sonny agrees. He turns over the piece of construction paper and stamps the fox on the back.

"More than that," Jesse says.

"How many?" Sonny asks.

Jesse looks at the stamp, then at the paper. "I don't know, yet," she says.

Sonny passes the stamp back to her. "Well, how about you stamp until it looks right, okay?"

Jesse stamps with wild abandon, and Sonny uses the moment to check on Billie again. She's fully awake and on her back, watching her mobile. She smiles and kicks when she sees Sonny this time, and Sonny scoops her up to kiss her forehead and check her diaper. She's clean, so he carries her into the living room. 

There is a suspiciously fox-shaped stamp on Frannie's forehead, but Sonny pretends he doesn't see it. Jesse's sly grin at thinking she's snuck something by him is worth it.

Once there are enough foxes for Jesse's liking, she picks out strips of ribbon to lay on the front of the card. Sonny holds Billie with one arm while he rubs glue stick smudges on the paper according to Jesse's needs. Billie drools all over his shoulder and babbles in his ear, and he smiles and talks back to her, making Jesse laugh with the pretend conversation.

"You are _not_ a robot," she says, hands on her hips.

Sonny shrugs. "I'm just answering her questions, kiddo."

"And she didn't ask if you were a robot. She's not using real words. She's a baby."

"She's using baby words," Sonny says. "When you get big like me, you can understand them."

"Nu-uh," Jesse says. 

"Uh-huh," Sonny replies back just as haughtily. Jesse sticks out her chin and looks so much like her mother that Sonny's struck right in the chest with it. He's so glad both the girls look like Amanda and not like their fathers. Amanda worries what she'll say when they inevitably ask. Sonny's made it his job to assure her that if the girls ever get mean about it, he'll take care of it for her. 

"I don't need you to defend me from my own kids," she'd said when he'd made the offer the first time.

"Not right now, no. But imagine two teenage yous decide they want to blame you for their dads being useless."

Amanda had blanched. "Oh, shit."

"So, I've got it, all right? Uncle Sonny will put their heads on right."

Amanda had sighed heavily and leaned against him for a moment. "You are really way too good of a friend for me."

"Nah," Sonny had said, "I'm just the exact amount of friend you deserve."

Sonny shakes the memory off as Jesse hands him a pencil. "What am I doing?" he asks.

"You have to write 'Happy Mother's Day' so I can trace it," Jesse says. "That way it'll look extra nice."

"Okay. Just a second." Sonny gets up and carries Billie over to her swing. He sets her in it and winds it to start moving. Billie smiles and squeals and kicks her feet. She loves her swing. 

Sonny sits down again--this time next to Jesse--and he slowly and carefully writes out 'Happy Mother's Day.' Jesse takes over with another blue crayon, tongue sticking out of her mouth as she laboriously copies the words. Sonny simply watches her work, content to enjoy the effort she's making. Frannie comes over and puts her chin on Sonny's knee, so Sonny scratches behind her ears and grins at the fox stamp. 

"Done!" Jesse announces five minutes later. "Isn't it pretty?"

"It's perfect," Sonny says. 

"And now you sign it," Jesse tells him, handing him the crayon. "You have to sign it with love. That's how you sign a Mother's Day card."

"Okay," Sonny agrees. He signs slowly, in block letters so Jesse can read it. She says each letter as he spells it out. 

"L-O-V-E-S-O-N-N-Y." Jesse beams at him. "You have two N's! Just like Frannie!"

"I think that's why she likes me so much," Sonny says. 

"She likes me more," Jesse answers and leans down so she and Frannie are nose-to-nose. Frannie licks her face, and Jesse laughs. "See?!"

"Yeah, I see what you mean," Sonny says. 

*

After the art supplies are put away, Jesse sits in her corner and looks through her picture books. Sonny makes them a snack and gets Billie out of her swing for her bottle. They walk Frannie with Jesse holding the leash in one hand and holding Sonny's hand with the other. He catches a few looks from people as they go by, clearly charmed by the doting father with the little girl and the baby and the dog. 

When they get back to the apartment, Jesse announces she's not tired but will be in her room. Sonny hides his smile. It's her new way of trying to pretend like she doesn't need a nap. She'll be out like a light in five minutes. Billie gurgles happily as she gets into tummy time down on the floor. Frannie's beside her, occasionally licking her hand or face when she wriggles close enough. Sonny settles on the couch to watch Billie and picks up the card he and Jesse made. He picks up a pen from the side table and writes a note in the space above 'Happy Mother's Day.'

Frannie's head comes up, and Sonny looks towards the door. He listens to Amanda's key in the locks and stands up, bending down to scoop up Billie as Frannie gets up and walks to the door, tail wagging. 

Amanda walks in and shuts the door. She bends down to scratch Frannie hello and pauses. "There's a stamp on her head," she says to Sonny, giving him an amused smile.

"What can I say? I got played by a four-year-old," Sonny replies. "Who is in her bedroom but not tired."

Amanda chuckles. "Right." She hangs her purse on the coat tree and walks over to him. "Your mom's idea of brunch is a lot of baked goods."

"Yeah, I thought you'd like that."

"It was great," Amanda replies. She kisses Billie on the head, then looks up at Sonny, her smile soft. "Thanks for setting that up."

"I just confirmed for Mom you didn't have plans this year," Sonny says. "She really has been wanting to invite you."

"Well, I appreciate it all the same." Amanda looks around her apartment, and she spots the card. "What's this?"

"Well, I couldn't make a Mother's Day card without the family's resident artist," Sonny replies. 

Amanda picks up the card, and Sonny watches her touch it lightly, tracing a few of the shapes glued on the front before opening it. Sonny sees the moment she reads the note he'd added. Her eyes go incredibly soft, and she presses a hand to her mouth. 

_Jesse thinks you're the best mother in the world because you are. Billie will think the same because Jesse will tell her so. They wouldn't be who they are without you, and you wouldn't be who you are without them. You're my best friend in the world, and I'm grateful every day you let me be your friend and their uncle. I love you, Amanda._

"Sonny," Amanda says quietly as she looks at him. She wipes at her eyes and looks at him, then at Billie, then glances over her shoulder at the closed door to Jesse's room. 

Sonny shrugs and walks over, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. "Happy Mother's Day. You're great. You're gonna stay great. And when you don't feel great. I'll tell you you're great. And if you don't believe me, we'll get my mom on the phone."

Amanda grabs the front of his shirt before he steps out of reach. "Bella and your mom were talking about your dad and Tommy, how alike they are as dads."

"Oh, yeah, Tommy's Dad 2.0," Sonny says.

"And that makes you Dad 3.0 from everything they said," Amanda continues, looking him in the eyes again. "The stories. The way you listen to Jesse. The way you talk to Billie like you know what she's saying."

"Well, I mean, I learned from a good dad."

"I learned from a bad Mom," Amanda says. "And not just about being a mom, before you tell me again that I'm a great mom."

"You are," Sonny replies anyway because of course he's going to.

Amanda rolls her eyes. "Yes. Thanks. My ego is well-fed at the moment. Let me get to my point."

Sonny chuckles, then coos softly when Billie fusses at the movement. "Sorry, kiddo," he says. He looks back at Amanda, and she's looking at him like she looked at the card, her eyes soft. "Your point?" he prompts.

"Yeah." Amanda takes a deep breath, clearly preparing herself for what she's about to say. "Listening to your mom and Bella, the way they talked about your dad and Tommy, it made me jealous at first because as great as you are--and you're amazing--I realized how much I wanted what they have. Not just a best friend who loves my kids like they're his own, but a partner, you know? I want the girls to have a dad, and I want someone who'll be as invested as I am in making sure the girls are loved and safe."

Sonny won't pretend he doesn't feel hurt to hear Amanda say that, but he also doesn't plan to tell her. He gets why she wants that, and he wants that for her if it's important to her. "Well, when you meet him, I look forward to getting to know him. I'll help him get in good with the girls. Even Frannie."

Amanda looks pained for a moment. "Sonny," she says slowly like he's missing something, "I…" She looks at him quietly for a moment, then she grins. "Oh my god," she mutters. "You think--I mean you, you dumbass."

Sonny can't answer right away. He's too surprised. "What?" he asks. 

Amanda shakes him by the front of his shirt, but does it very carefully so Billie doesn't fuss. "I mean you," she repeats, so quiet it's almost a whisper. "I want someone who loves the girls and loves me. I want someone who I know will take care of us and teach us to trust ourselves and tell us they love us. And I thought...my mom's so bad at relationships. You know that. And my dad was a bad dad, so I never really had a sense of what makes a good dad, and you've just been slotted in my head as my best friend and Uncle Sonny because we just fit together like that, and it's really safe for me to have you like I have you. And my dating record is really terrible, so I think that stopped me from thinking that I could...have you like…" 

Sonny breathes in shakily, wondering how Billie can sleep quietly on his shoulder when he feels like he's shivering all over. "Amanda. I...God, if you want to, I'm in. I am all the way in."

Her face lights up with hope, and her smile hits Sonny right between his ribs. He's seen that smile before, when she was in a good place with a guy she was dating, but it's never been as bright as it is now. He's sure of it. "Yeah?" she asks.

"Yeah," he says, and now he's the one speaking quietly. Reverently. "I mean, I'm real happy being your best friend, okay? I haven't been your friend because I thought I could long-game you into a romantic relationship or anything. But, I mean...I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it."

"I haven't actually thought about it until today," Amanda admits. "But once I did, it was like that last thing I needed fell into place. It made sense. You've been right here, and I'm sorry I didn't see you before. Maybe if I had--" She looks at Billie. "You know I love them just as they are," she says. 

"So do I," Sonny answers. "They came into the world exactly as God intended, okay? They're your daughters, exactly as they're supposed to be."

"Two different fathers from two different dumb ideas?" Amanda asks, the self-recrimination in her tone coming in hard.

Sonny makes a show of looking around, careful to keep Billie snug against his shoulder. "You hiding other men in here, Amanda?" he asks. "Because I'm pretty sure I'm the only dad in this room."

"I cannot believe that makes me want to kiss you," Amanda says, all hints of self-loathing gone. "But it really kind of does."

"I would love to kiss you," Sonny replies, and he presses his smile against Amanda's own when she stands on her toes and tips back her chin. 

*

Sonny, Amanda, Jesse, Billie, and Frannie join the whole Carisi family for the Father's Day grill out Sonny's dad puts together every year. 

Jesse marches up to Dominick senior and puts her hands on her hips, surveying him like a challenge. "He's not my Uncle Sonny anymore. He's my dad. So you're my grandpa."

Dominick senior bursts out laughing and leans down to scoop Jesse into a hug. "Yes, I am," he says. "And I gotta tell you, I'm pretty excited about it."

Amanda laughs quietly and takes Billie from Sonny's arms so he can accept a hug from his mom. "Just like him," she says with a shake of her head. 

"Which one?" Tessa asks as she leans in and kisses Amanda on the cheek. "Because that pronouncement was all Sonny."

"Fifty percent me," Sonny replies, sliding an arm around Amanda's shoulders and stealing a kiss. "The rest is definitely her mom."

Amanda kisses him back. "No, she's right, that's you all the way through. I'll get my share when she's a teenager, I'm sure."

"Oh, and how," Tessa agrees. "Now, hand me that baby so I can spoil my littlest grandchild."

Amanda hands off Billie and leans into Sonny's side. He kisses the top of her head, and she squeezes him in a one-armed hug, and Sonny thinks this is definitely gonna be his favorite Father's Day until next year.

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's not mother's day. I do not care.


End file.
